Uh, hi. I think this will be a seriously long post.

Anyways, the first thing i wanna mention is that I'm feeling super unhappy, dissapointed, sad, angry and somehow happy. Mixed feelings, they call it. I'm weird, i know. Let's talk about Monday first. Classes were dead boring as usual but then ofcourse got pay attention la. Then kinda excited for syf. At the same time, anxious, fearful of it. It's my first time, don't know how it's goona be like. That day, band practise. Had the usual, did scales and ran through 2 pieces. Was fine i guess. Gave out the last of the encouragement notes. Got to leave early, to get sufficient rest for the next day. Went home happily.

The next day, (Yesterday.) is yeah, syf day. The first thing i thought of when my eyes opened at 4am i told myself that whatever happens that day is just like any other ordinary day and I'm going to make the best out of it. So then bathed and everything, started to feel the nervousness. Then had bloody gasrtic in the morning which hurt like CRAZY. Waited for the bus for 20 long minutes and FINALLY it came. Was around 5.40am that time. Met Mingni at the lrt. Reached schl at about 6plus? Not sure. Immediately went to change. Then sat around, chit chat. Then took some of the instruments, and went down to take the bus. Sat with the woodwinds people. Sat with kaixin in the bus. Right ? Not very sure :/ Long bus ride there, was nerve-wrecking.

Then reached singapore conference hall. Sat around and waited to go in to have our turn. Then i was thinking to myself that the next time we all walk out of the building are we going to be super happy, super sad or what. But after awhile didn't think much and played with mr koh's huge snoopy lol. Then went into this room. Played the scales. Then after awhile, went out. We went to another direction, 'cause we needed to set up the instruments.

Then while waiting, there was this blardy guy who anyhow say us for no reason. 'Cause xingyun didn't hold the sus. cymbal properly and the whole thing drop down then scratched my left leg. Then it was super painful okay the pain is like spreading then the guy first thing he said was: 'Can you all stop playing ? The other schools have prepared themselves for two years for this day and yet you are here making so much noise' Then when he saw that the cymbal had scratched me he was like: 'Are you okay? Do you need first aid?' -_____- sacarstic lah what first aid! ZZZ. Why don't send me go hospital better. Then along the way can bring him go mental hosp. also. crazy guy.

Then after waiting, went onto the stage. Then everyone came onstage. Then say the welcome GSB, conductor. Then after that everyone played. Overture 1 went smoothly. Then Cantus really screwed. Reallyreally screwed and i felt really bad about myself. The jingles part, didn't have enough time to take the jingles 'cause it was too far away. I really don't feel like pointing fingers so just forget it. Then after that my part came in late due to that. Then after that xingyun also forgot to play her part. And wasn't in time either. Then the last part for the sus. cymb i also lost counting and came in late. It was really terrible. Went down stage, took the lift and then went up again 'cause mr yeo called us. Manage to control my feeling until there i cannot take it alrdy. Adding on to the pain in my leg can you just imagine. Then put down our instruments and went to sit at the idk whats that place called. Then watched the other bands perform. Then announcement of results, we got bronze. Speechless. Then alot of things flooded into my mind and i didn't talk much from that moment on till we reach school, in the arts hub.

Mr koh spoke, mdm heng also. They said something so true, that failure is a stepping stone to sucess & that it's the process that's important. It's like through all that has happened, the band practises, all the shifting of instruments, band exchange, all the fun and laughter we had has made me gradually like band. Or maybe fall in love with the band, even that band became a part of me before i'd even noticed it.

Went to watch race to witch mountain with shimin, to take a break from everything.

That day when i went home, wasn't talking much and my mom was like being so unreasonable ok. Once i step into the house only she's scolding me non-stop. She even say until i better quit band before she call the school to make me quit. I know she's serious about it 'cause she shouted that straight into my face. And also she had mentioned before in the beggining of this year to leave the band 'cause it's taking up alot of time, and my grades are dropping. Each of her words is like slapping me hard. And what did i do wrong to deserve this? My sister again. Results bad then come blame me. Okay fine I'm partly responsible for it. But cannot just take it out on me just like that right. But i really don't want to leave the band. I've told mingni this afternoon. I've finally let it out, been keeping this from them for a very long time already. Sab & raidah knows it too. They said that they will help me speak up no matter what but i know that it wont work. 'Cause i know my own mother, i know how she's like. I don't know what to say.

Okay forget that, i know someday she'll force me out of the band but hopefully i pray to God with my heart & soul & mind that now syf's over the practises will be cut down or else if i keep going home late i'll never ever have the end of her blardy naggings and sometimes i can't take it, especially when she shouts at me for no reason. When i say no reason i really mean it. Sat on the floor & cried in the bathroom, and i cried to sleep. Was really very pissed off, especially when she threaten me with Band.

Today's april fool's day. Didn't get fooled partly because i wasn't in the mood. Fooled sabrina thou. Told her that an upper sec guy msged me last night and said that he wanted to jio her, wanted her number. She believed me haha she was like so shocked lol! Until i see her face cannot take it and laughed like hell. Raidah almost fell for it his morning but she said 'ahh april fools day' haha. Then our class go and turn the tables around during benson lee's class. He spoke to us in chinese and asked us to take our our textbooks and have chinese spelling lol. Anyways soon after he made us turn our tables back around. The carry on lesson.

Then had meeting and Mr yeo talked to us concerning the band thing. Yep. And yeah thanks to everyone who wrote the encouragement notes for me, really appreciate it even though i don't really know some of you guys in person. :)

I'm sorry i couldn't accept you. I'm sorry i hurt you or what. You know i don't feel that way for you and my life is filled with too much misery but you're still my good brother okay :) Find someone better than me.